Bucket List Found

steno padDear Diary,

I finally found my bucket list today. I found it deep in the bowels of “the office”. I put this in quotes because “the office” is what we call the area of the house with a desk and books. It is cleverly disguised as a place where something productive may happen. But it doesn’t. Unless you count dusting and vacuuming said area as productive. I digress.

The reason my bucket list was so hard to find is because it resides in a steno pad. That’s right, I said steno pad. Let’s stop and think for a second how far we’ve come since stenographers who performed stenography on a stenography pad was a thing. That’s history son. Google it.

That’s how old this list is.

It’s so old it’s actually entitled “Things to Do Before I Die”. I’m still a little mad that I didn’t think up the term Bucket List.

At first glance it was immediately evident that this list needed editing. There are some things I’ve actually done. I can move those over to a done list. Done.

Then there are the pie in the sky by and by items…for example Bora Bora. Although this has always been in the top three, there is more than a very good chance it will never happen. No matter how I pitch the cost justification, my husband won’t buy it.

I’m not giving up on Bora Bora though. I’m going to hold out hope that one of my two selfish kids takes me there to assuage their guilt over not giving me grandkids. I must admit it would help ease the pain. Temporarily.

There are bucket list items I have to exclude because the ship has already sailed (a little mad I didn’t think of that one either). They are as follows;

  • Being a Princess cast member at Disneyland. – Nobody wants to see an old Cinderella. I’m not going to regret this too much. Being at the mercy of every child without being allowed to talk doesn’t hold the same allure as it once did.
  • Participating in the Olympics. – And by participating I mean walking in the opening ceremonies. I don’t have rigid discipline and crumble under pressure which negate competing in an actual sporting event. Even if I did, it would probably be a horrible uniform year and the irony would be too much. No regrets.
  • Surfing. – Clearly this was listed pre-Shark Week.
  • Space Travel. – No way. Not after seeing the movie Gravity. I can conjure up an imaginary conversation with George Clooney right here on Earth. I might already have.
  • Sky Diving. – Nope. The ground looks too far away when I just stand up now.
  • Roller Derby. – Really? Was I out of my mind? I can’t believe that being hurled by a teammate into a group of angry women while on skates was ever appealing. Yikes!
  • Marrying Donny Osmond. – Ok, this technically wasn’t on the list, but for 40 years has been my secret desire. I had to put it on and formally take it off to close this door. I’ll admit saying his name still makes my heart flutter a little. Don’t tell anybody that.

I have to go for now dear diary. I’ll tell you more about the bucket list later.

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