It’s Finally Time To Celebrate – You

Dear Diary,

Halloween.Thanksgiving. My Birthday. Christmas. New Year’s.

I’ve had 57 of them (well technically 57 of the last three, but you know what I mean).

When I was little it was an eternity before they would roll around again.

Since I’ve been an adult I’ve developed a love/hate relationship with the holidays. I start out so happy and festive on Halloween…and then by Thanksgiving I can’t wait to see family and am on a cheerfully steady roll toward the big one – Christmas. Then by New Year’s I’m exhausted, chubby, older, grumpy, and can’t wait to bid family and friends farewell.

I’m still waiting for them to leave.

While everyone sleeps in this morning after a night of reveling, I find I finally have peace and quiet and a moment to breathe.

And think.

What are my resolutions for 2015?

I go through the usual…lose weight, eat better, exercise, actively help humankind and animals in a meaningful way, take an exotic vacation, mark off bucket list items, then I always add a couple of fluff items that are easy to mark off like plant a garden (it comes up on it’s own now), and get rid of crap we don’t need. Done.

I’m already physically and mentally spent, so why do I do this to myself?

I let go of the resolutions. Finally. Forever.

I think it’s time to just celebrate me, and you celebrate you.

Do you know how hard it is to wake up every morning and take up our mantle of responsibility/expectation no matter how heavy it may be? Yet we do it. Day after day, year after year, and we forget to pat ourselves on the back for it.

We forget that this is our time.

So this year I resolve to be happy. That’s it.

Just. Be. Happy.

Be happy being me…warts and all. Right now. Whoever, whatever, and wherever I am.

I don’t need to do anything to be the best I can be, I already am. And so are you. Just the way you are. Right now.

This is OUR TIME. Don’t sleep at the wheel by comparing yourself to anyone else. Enjoy the ride knowing that you don’t have to make it matter because it already does. There will never be another you that passes this way again.

Happy Being Me

You were meant to be here, and you being you is the most genuinely important thing you will ever do.

Time doesn’t give us mulligans.

2015 is your year to be free of the expectation of being anything else but you.

Just. Be. Happy.

‘Til next time.

 

 

The Clarity List

Dear Diary,

Clarity – [klar-i-tee]

Noun – clearness or lucidity as to perception or understanding; freedom from indistinctness or ambiguity.

The Clarity List. The most important list anyone will ever make, and you haven’t heard of it because it’s the last list anyone makes. If you’re lucky, you are given time to make it. I know because I had what turned out to be a dry run at it last year.

It’s the list you make when you’ve been given a death sentence.

Your life-force is an amazing thing. It makes sure you sail through life with very little thought to the end. Even when you’ve been given the death sentence, once it’s rescinded you go right back to where you left off without giving the clarity list another thought.

That’s a good thing.

But since I DID make one, I merged it into my bucket list.

It’s hard to trick your life-force into letting you make a clarity list before it’s time. Your mind is not easily tricked. It’s always on the job.

But you should try.

It’s funny that what I thought would be important to me at the end, was not.

I thought I would care about my husband’s new wife spending my 401k. I didn’t.

I thought I would want to jump on a plane and go to #1 on my bucket list (Tahiti). I didn’t.

I thought it would be important to itemize who got what of my earthly possessions. It wasn’t.

When I was staring the grim reaper in the face it was much different than I thought it would be. It was amazing at how quickly and easily it was to see what was most important.

Not money. Not places. Not things.

Clarity.

Only two things became important.

Spending time with people I love became paramount. On any terms.

Seeing the beauty around me. Have you ever seen how beautiful the world is when you are about to leave it? I hope you haven’t. But you should try. Even the smallest thing like a lady bug or the green of grass is so beautiful. It’s like seeing it for the first time. Really seeing it.

Clarity.

No fear. All those things that kept me awake at night like who pissed me off or how much money I spent against my budget or the to-do list for next week, simply fell away. None of that mattered.

All of my little nagging fears didn’t scare me anymore.

Except dying.

How much pain would I be in? How long would I linger? Have I done enough to insure I would go to heaven? Have I done enough to make sure my family will meet me there?

Have I told everyone how much they mean to me?

Clarity.

I didn’t regret any of the things I thought I would regret. But I did have a few.

I regretted all of the time I spent caring about what other people thought.

I regretted not being happier with the body God gave me.

I regretted not making my kids go to church every Sunday.

Hey, I’m just being honest.

After my death sentence was repealed, my life-force kicked right back in, but I have put a few things in place as a result of my clarity list.

I am available and present with my family now. No distractions. I drop everything when a friend calls. My door is always open to those I love.

And it’s closed to those that don’t deserve my time anymore. The drama loving, negative, destructive folks have had to be let go. It wasn’t easy (they don’t like not being enabled or having to do for themselves) but they take away, rather than give to the richness of life.

Clarity.

I have two little chests (one for each of my children) that I drop notes into every time I think of a story from when they were little or something I want them to know after I’m gone. Like how much I love them.

Clarity.

I am going on my first camping trip in 30 years (where there are no bears, I am still afraid of bears no matter what list I’m looking at) and although it’s not a place that is on my bucket list, the time I get to spend with my hubby unplugged and appreciating beauty wherever I am satisfies both items on my very short clarity list.

The most important list of all.

Until next time dear diary.